Glory to thee! What celestial power has graced me to stumble onto your path?
I walk in the wake of your success like a stray; picking up broken and discarded pieces along the way.
Shimmering chasms of hope dance within my open palms, and I am happy, as I gaze upon your ethereal beauty. Incarnated in objects unknown to me. Yet, soon these pieces will cease to shine and I will be lost again to wander. Hiding in groves of moss as slander drips from burdened clover, heavy with the weight of my guilt.

A lonesome pine grazes the sky in all its elephantine beauty. It gives a cry as beads of sorrow descend to the forest floor. "Heavy is my heart that wallows, lonesome, I follow yet my roots run deep below me."

I look towards the sky -in all my despair- and I ask for the power to tame the beast inside of me; to lay waste to the rage that consumes me. And He replies, "have faith in me." I sink to my knees and I will never forgive myself for locking my heart away -too deep- inside of me.

B & C

Follow me, follow me! -Through cypress and wheat fields until those lawful eyes don their justice.
Alas, bullets rain from blackened skies; hearts ablaze and eyes glazed.
This is where young blood beats happiest, skin upon skin the sweetest friction.
Wake up, wake up! -Bonnie, the wolves are upon us..

My recent trip to Texas was a much needed break from my current life. This past winter was probably the worst that I've ever dealt with. (I'm too sane and old for drugs so I didn't have that to fall into.) It was just me and my big bad thoughts. Knives never looked sharp enough to penetrate my hardened shell, or I would've/could've. I felt that close to losing it. Wherever I looked, nothing made sense and I kept slipping on solid ground trying to find a place to set my feet, but how can you stand if the concept or reasoning didn't make the slightest of sense? How did I get so lost? What's the point? I felt strikingly similar to a character I had been recently introduced: Pierre Bezukhov, as he seethes with a similar apathy, "everything matters, nothing matters, it's all the same. If I can only escape, one way or another!.. And not see it, the terrible it" (Tolstoy, War and Peace). So, given my current state of mind and being this trip was a life saver.

Upon my arrival I was greeted by the happiest of faces. A friend I've known for a good span of years. We've been through the good times and bad. She's my Cheesecube and I'm her Snotsnot. We met each other while playing a MMORPG, World of Warcraft in its classic days. Instantly, I felt myself shedding my hatred, anxieties, depression, and worries. My first taste of Texas was mind blowing. People were so social and friendly. I know people say that of Portland but I don't see it as of late. I feel that with the recent influx of foreigners the city has grown too big for itself, which in turn makes people disgruntled, and these bigger city folk are bringing their culture with them. To say the least, this place isn't what it used to be and I didn't realize how much I hate what it has become.

My second day in Texas and I was graced with a beautifully blue sky as that brilliant sun warmed the air to a cozy 86 degrees. I basked in her rays until my skin burned, a little too much but the pain was welcomed. My time spent in Texas will be highly cherished and I've promised myself to explore more of the south, so that one day I may call it my home. It has seduced me. I will miss the cascades and seeing Hood in all her ever glowing beauty, but I feel her encouragement to explore what else Mother Nature has to offer. I'm sure the Appalachians will welcome me with wide open arms. Portland, you can keep your weird and dirty, and your pompous assholes, I'm off to live the simple life full to the brim of everything human.

This weekend I'm taking a trip to see the Redwood forest while coasting the scenic 101 highway. What a brilliant way to spend a weekend, while scouting for a possible future residence.

I'd like to know why everyone is in such a goddamn hurry.
I'm cruising along at the recommended speed in whatever area that I find myself in. Cars speed past me like bullets, making it quite obvious that I'm an unfortunate obstacle between them and their destination, which in turn makes them drive so dangerously past me. What is the rush? I find this blessed moment of my time valuable, with the radio blaring and the music taking me to a whole other world and I think to myself, let this road continue, forever, in its momentary bends and curls, switch backs and inclines. Let it forever roam so that I may never arrive at my destination; let me drop off the face of the earth and keep going. Where ever I am driving to, in my heart, I do not want to be there. So, I will not rush myself. The possibilities are endless when I am behind the wheel of my Civic beast, of which I adore but alas do not take good care of. I apologize, most sincerely. I'm still trying to find where I belong.

You caught me making eyes at the other boatman's wives,
and heard me laughing louder at the jokes told by their daughters.
I'd set my course for land,
but you well understand
it takes a steady hand to navigate adulterous waters.
The propeller's spinning blades held acquaintance with the waves
as there's mistakes I've made no rowing could outrun...

I'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me.

- Messes of Men.

A dissipation of our moral ideals
Glory to our written vow
etched in stone and wrought in gold
here is the proof of my love!
and you will be mine all the while
but this new apple of my eye
has descended the heavenly sky
to lightly reside on high where I wallow
Our smiles shine, graciously exchanged
A blossom grows to bare a bud
the fruit of my infidelity.

All I can do is sigh, a heavy sigh
As a moan of pleasure escapes between my tight set lips
to curl around the nakedness of my new goddess
Her body; a pale temple of paradise
warmed by a quickening pulse
soft as downy plucked from the nimblest fledgling
Mine own, Eden.
I shall dwell amidst your garden, forever.
In body, heart, and soul,
but never in name nor title.

Take my hand these barren lands are alive tonight..