Midnight Hour

The ward I am housed in has the means of vaccinating everyone against the nightmare that is to ensue at the stroke of midnight. This is not a Cinderella tale, so I advice the weary and weak to turn your heads now and walk on --do not read further. The vaccination is through a painful blood infusion. As the nurse empties the syringe into my arm, a wave of nausea and pain envelopes me.
I try my best to fight unconsciousness and succeed only slightly on my own. My heart begins to gallop inside of my chest and I'm forced to slow my breathing in order to calm the beast inside of me. As I begin to slip away, giving in to the pain and sleep, the nurse sticks a small brick of substance in front of my face. The impact of the smell, much like sulfuric acid, invades my senses and I shoot up like a rocket into a sitting stance. I'm awake. I'm alive. Is it over? What is this?

"Wash yourself with this, use all of it, it will numb the pain of tonight."

"Thank you," I say as I look at the bandage adhered to my arm. It has begun, I think as I carry myself to my hall on shaky legs. I walk past Blue, a pure-bred American Bulldog, lounging on a pillow beside the Administrator's doorway; one of the many canines that reside within this structure's walls. My legs come to a halt as I watch the slumbering chest rise and fall, the essence of life flowing through this little beast's body--my mind envisions the ravenous look in Blue's eyes as he rips my arm to shreds with his powerful teeth. My withering flesh falling in chunks, splattering the ground with crimson and fear. My ghastly screams are muted by so many others drifting through the ward.

I cringe and force myself back to reality, clutching the brick of soap tightly.
The clock reads 6:04 p.m.
I hurry onward.

I undress amidst a cloud of steam and the dulcet chorus of water dripping onto tile and down pipework. I let my day time rags fall to the ground, where gentle drops of water soon devour, changing the hue a shade darker. I watch nervously as the cotton gives way to the moisture --much like blood seeping from an open wound. Soon there will be blood everywhere; no inch of cotton will be able to resist. Rubbing the soap over my body has the similar effect as Tiger Balm, my eyes begin to swell and water. The suds send a ripple throughout my muscles as if calming them with a soothing backhand. It'll be alright. You'll be okay. Be calm, be well. Over and over until the last of it has melted away under the water. The timer has gone off and my shower ceases but I do not move. I cannot move until I watch every bit of water disappear down the drain.

I am quick to harness my fear as I dress in my night time clothes, drawing the string on my pant taut and tying it in a knotted bow. On my way to my dorm I am stopped by Miss Lianna as she makes her way to the showers, carrying more towels.

"Emily, doll, be a dear and give the others a bit of a heads up as to what to expect. I prey you'll do that for me. I am a bit overwhelmed with duties at the mome--" her words trail off as she continues to walk, in haste. I give her back an obedient nod as she disappears around the corner. Oh great! Me, the bearer of bad news. I reach for the handle and walk sullenly into my room.

"Em!" shouts Mary as she throws her hand into the air to greet me, "and I thought big Blue had eaten you already!" she smiles even though I can't help but frown.

"Not yet, at least" I retort as I eye the other girls above me looking around the room for solace.

I see little legs dangling from beds. The room bunks about fifteen girls all suspended ten to twenty feet above the ground in hammocks --to avoid menacing night critters. To strangers, these beds prove to be dangerous but we've mastered the art of walking the thin rail in between beds with a graceful ease. I'm up the ladder and next to Mary who has the bed closest to the door.

"I had to.." she says when she sees the stern look on my face. I continue to climb the ladder, feeling the cold metal against my skin --a dull sensation, due to, I suspect, the soap. I've always enjoyed the climb to bed. The biting cold aching my skin as I slink into bed, melting it all away with layers of wool. This time the dullness lingers, such as wool cannot melt away. I lean gravely over my bed and call out to the girls below.

"So.." I cough to clear my voice, gaining the masses attention. Small, curious eyes look upon me. "We've all received the inoculation, which means we'll all be alright in the end,"

Mary climbs into Tesh's bed to comfort her, wrapping a thin arm around the little girl.

"But as everyone knows by now that tonight is the night of our beasts betrayal. It cannot be avoided. It's like clockwork and unfortunately, we're affected the most." My throat has become uncommonly dry and it's like rubbing sandpaper together when I swallow.

"Will it hurt?" asks little Lilly as she clutches her pillow too tightly.

"It will hurt, the soap should help slightly but the inoculation does not protect against pain. This will most likely be the most painful night you will ever experience--"

"Why not lock them all inside of a room?" shouts a girl across the room.

"Because there are far worse creatures than the dogs out there! What do you think they're here to protect us from, huh?" Bites Mary.

"Mary is right. Without the dogs the night critters have nothing to hold them back now. Our biggest concern is them." I pause to rub my shoulder for comfort.

-- to be continued --

Idle hands.

I feel so disconnected from everything.
You know that overused scene in movies where it shows someone standing still in the middle of a rushing crowd. Well, that's me right now. The world and everything in it is spinning around me at an ungodly nauseating speed, while I am idle, staring towards the horizon scouting out dust molecules. I don't know. I want to wake up. I want to feel normal again.
On the bright side, things are slowly improving. Slowly moving forward. Slow. Slow.
I am contributing blood into the massive black hole known as the pharmaceutical industry. I hate that I've turned to medication to alleviate the pain and emptiness, but it's working when I didn't have the strength to perform the alternatives.

"A troubled mind = pharmaceutical gold mine"

Good-bye To You.

Past the point of no return, the final threshold.
The bridge is crossed so stand and watch it burn.

..And I'll be waving my hand watching you drown,
watching you scream, quiet or loud.



Both set of lyrics best depict my life, right now.
I wish painful affliction upon the jealous.
Your kind make the world obnoxiously vapid.




(Lyrics taken from "Point of No Return" by Andrew Llyod Webber and "Clumsy" by Our Lady Peace. Both songs warrant appreciation.)

[Untitled]

I've done it again; I've angered the queen. Here she comes stomping through the flower beds, kicking up the flora and moss; her face contorted with rage; temples pulsing like the sparks of a fuse, getting closer towards the explosion --closer towards me. In my ignorance, I've done it again. I've angered her so, but what have I done? She spits a lattice of words in my direction that swarm around my fragile neck, wrapping around and pulling taut. She dances in place to the words of her control and power, swinging her arms up into the air--

I close my eyes.
Darkness; an infinite abyss before me.
A comforting silence impregnates my ears.
What do I feel? Courage, fear, ecstasy?

"Open your eyes."

Alarmed, I obey. The darkness is broken with a scenery of a vast expanse of exposed rocks and plains. It's dusk and a subtle pink swims throughout the sky, colliding with the ominous black of the oncoming, nighttime sky. I take a breath. The queen is gone. I take another deep breath, superficially, out of selfishness but choke when I see my summoner. Standing before me in a well-tailored wool suit, a wolf with a proud look and a keen knowledge in his eyes. What do I feel? Awe, fretful, enchanted?

"Welcome home," the wolf deftly speaks and extends a paw toward me.

I reach to meet it with a cold hand, slowly warming with elation. With a strong paw, he pulls me closer linking an arm through mine while taking me off to explore the scene. A peaceful, rhythmic rumble vibrates from his chest as we walk together into the dark; the stars are brightest companions; the sky an ocean of beauty and calm.

"Are you my lover?" I ask with a gracious tone.
"I am not."
"Are you a foe?" my muscles tense as I idle in the path.
"If I may be so kind to grant you a little clarity and relaxation with a simple explanation. I am your watchman, my dear. I am the safe-keeper of your world. I make sure any and all unwanted souls are never to pass," he says as he brings me close, kissing me gently on the forehead, sending a ripple of warmth throughout my body.

We continue to walk in silence as the stars bathe us in spotlight.

"I'll miss you when I wake up," I say as we walk into the heart of the world that I have created.

I don't want these memories.

My mind has been dwelling in the past, as of late. I do not have the strength to get it out in one piece. It hurts to realize all of the things that went wrong; how helpless I was in the past, as a fragile, little girl.

I remember quiet vividly the time my father went insane, my mother ran away, and my brother failed to protect me. My best friend involuntarily collided with the back door, the thick glass shattered as if to tell us that something was horribly wrong (with us all).

A steak knife is jabbed into the Devil's palm, and I laugh as I watch him bleed. I laugh and laugh until a hand closes around my neck and my head begins to swim with a familiar heaviness. I close my eyes with a exerted grin while a stream of blood runs down my face. This is going to hurt the next day.

I can't apologize for the things that went wrong. I always watched, mostly too scared to move. I prayed to God for a better life, but my pleas were rejected, ignored, lost in transmission. Cease communication! Let this girl be damned!

I hide things too well; try to find them. You never will.