Winter.

A whimsical dance, my lover and I, through snow flurries and frozen leaves, plastered to the ground in their autumn coats--radiating beauty with an effervescent, orange glow. Through parks and buildings we dance, hands entwined, eyes glazed, and hearts ablaze. Oh, starry, winter night do your worst! For I have his arms to keep me warm!

Sad, satin doll.

Tick, tock-tick, tock--make it stop! Stop the noise, she screams as her agitation vibrates through her chest, sending a rumble throughout the room. Jelly man saunters over to her, coming up from behind. His jelly hands slide down her sides, silencing her anger while turning her cheeks a bright shade of pink. The noise is too much, she whines as she twists her feet together--his jelly hands crawl into her young lap--open palms against taut skin. Sing a song for me, the Jelly man says to her, crooning softly into her ear. Her eyelids grow heavy and are pulled together into a close, to ward off the world before her; her legs relax as they are pulled apart.. She begins to hum a verse from her favorite song.

Restless, on fire.

I ache with the dire need for change, a big bang, so to speak, to erupt and shake myself from the dull gallows of normality. Let's try something new this winter. Let's see how much trouble one little girl can get into.

Another Dream.

We are two crabs, basking in the still, deep waters of the ocean, entwined in a cuddle of limbs, shell, and warmth as the current moves peacefully around us. Looking down on us, in this moment, I'm imagining a slow-turning music box twinkling a tune that calms the heart and warms the blood, in all its simplistic beauty. My sleep has graced me, finally, with a pleasant dream.

A sense of pride comes over me as I think of my favorite spot in the ocean. My clumsy claw reaches for yours as I encourage you to rouse from relaxation. Claw in claw, we slowly make our way to shallow water, where a large rock juts from the ocean floor. The sun's rays bathes the top of the rock as it sits just feet from the surface. I look at you and look around us. This is what happi-- I blink and I am alone, human, kneeling on hot sand overlooking a vast savanna. Slow, rhythmic rumbles fill my ears as I take in the massive creature laying en masse before me; a pride of lions napping the fierce sun away.

My heart fumbles and forgets its sole purpose, slipping and skipping, unevenly, within my breast. Where are you? What happened to us? A slow and steady change in the breeze slips me out of my self pity. The rumbling harmony of sleeping lions begin to stumble as, no doubt, their nostrils have sensed my stench; my pores releasing fear induced perspiration, warm blood flowing violently through my veins, giving life to my tender muscles and limbs, my breath becoming more rapid as I watch these furry bodies stir before me.

Two females quickly pounce to their feet and begin circling me, clearly hunting, anticipating a kill. I am done for. I am alone. I slowly turn to face the sea, looking for you, whom I've left below the surface, in peace. I sink to my knees in despair. The waves lick the sand before me in a gentle routine. The water's surface sparkles like a million hidden gems in a lover's eyes-- I am thrown onto my side-- a flock of migrating birds skim the distant surface of the sea, squawking in unison and familiarity as they keep hope for their arrival afar-- a piercing sensation wraps my neck as a swelling pain begins to pulsate. Everything comes to a halt, slowly spinning in place, as I close my eyes with the beauty of the sea still imprinted on my mind.

End of Summer.

It's abnormally quiet outside, on the streets of my neighborhood, at this time of day. The weather is at its finest and I'm sitting with my chin resting on the back of the couch, staring out of the window smudged with grime. My eyes are locked on a rose bush across the street in an estranged neighbor's yard. It towers high above the nearby shrubs, screaming with its' ragged appearance, the need for a trim, or for any sort of attention whatsoever. A fly slowly makes its way across the dirty glass just inches away from my eyes. The fly's movements resemble a mechanic of some sorts, like the inner workings of a clock; little spasms or twitches of movement that slowly but surely bring it across my plain of view. Yet, the fly is not the focus. My eyes are still trained on the rose bush. A black dot only slinks across and disappears.

What am I looking at?

Nothing.

A rose bush.

I finally blink, after who knows how long, when a little girl frolics through my sight. Her hair is a mess as she looks around, pulls down her dirty shorts, and squats right next to the rose bush that I have been molesting with my gaze. Like some barbarian, she looks around as if scouting for authority of some sorts, and to her success she is alone. A stream of piss escapes between her twig of legs, her bare bottom just inches from the dirt, she finishes and jumps to her feet while pulling her shorts up. She hops a few steps and runs off to the other side of the house, yelling, as if continuing the game she never left. The piss that never happened. The rose bush gazes longingly after the girl, and then down at the steaming pile of piss in the dirt.. Its first act of affection all week.

:poke:

A realization, a heavy fog that has been lifted.
I wander the paths laid out in my head and the paths across this land.
One way or another, I walk alone and I will come to an end.
There, I will be forced to make a decision at a halt, ending my existence as a wanderer.

For years I have felt so hallow, so void of emotion. But today I sit here with absolutely nothing to do, and I'm thankful for the times that I carry too much upon my back. I've realized that I am full to the brim with emotions. I go day to day ignoring how much I feel for the sake of my sanity. If I stop to wonder, I just might tip over and spill. Today, I'm overflowing. I feel so much right now that everything hurts. My hands tingle with longing, my chest aches with love, and my head is swimming with highs and lows. My legs ache from the burden I put upon them on a daily basis. I wasn't hoping for this, nor did I really see any of this, but I am open to it and I am accepting it.

Today, I will lay in my bed and imagine where you are. Sitting beside you on your adventure. I'll read and become restless, entwining my hands through handfuls of bedsheets, imagining your fingers laced through mine. I could do something to keep my mind distracted, but I won't because I like the way you make me feel.

I miss you.

The Devil's Tears

"He said I am the Devil Boy
Come with me and we'll make many storms
He offered me the universe but inside my heart there's a picture of a girl
Some call love a curse some call love a thief but she's my home
And she's as much a part of this broken heart see broken bones always seem to mend

I'll taste the Devil's tears
Drink from his soul but I'll never give up you
I'll taste the Devil's tears
Drink from his soul but I'll never give up you"

Angus and Julia Stone.