..

What did my lover say, Mister mail man? Mister hot-shot know-it-all! Saunter over to me with that heavy gift bag. Tip toe over those feathered lone spires of green, to me! -Alas, alas. My blood boils with anticipation, reverberating spasms of ecstasy from cell to spine, from shingle to concrete, shaking the confines of my body -this silly, elastic skin. Nothing today, Ma'am, he says as he tips his awkward hat atop his dapper, sun-kissed face. Galloping past me, neighing almost in mockery, as he spindles his web throughout the neighborhood.

Excerpt from Lolita.

This daily headache in the opaque air of this tombal jail is disturbing, but I must persevere. Have written more than a hundred pages and not got anywhere yet. My calender is getting confused. That must have been around August 15, 1947. Don't think I can't go on. Heart, head-everything. Lolita, Lolita, Lolita, Lolita, Lolita, Lolita, Lolita, Lolita, Lolita, Lolita. Repeat until the page is full, printer..

Dying, dying, Lolita Haze, of hate and remorse, I'm dying. And again my hairy fist I raise, and again I hear you crying.

Four Minutes.

Up to their ears.
Up to their necks.
It's for the curious.
It's for the hopeful.

I'm stuck in a song. A simple yet beautiful song, with eerie notes circling my senses --tap, tapping something melodic against my skin. It brings me in with a steady drum, as if looking into my eyes with a sideways glance. I'm hypnotized, something bigger lingers just beneath its surface. Two notes on a boisterous guitar jump into the dance, hooking its' long, mysterious fingers around my waist. It twirls me 'round and around as I sink deeper in to. I close my eyes as the organ daunts its haunting lament and I'm completely lost in pleasure as the notes molest my every sense. Too soon and it's over. My eyes open and I am alone.

Leave the road.
Follow the path.

Winter.

A whimsical dance, my lover and I, through snow flurries and frozen leaves, plastered to the ground in their autumn coats--radiating beauty with an effervescent, orange glow. Through parks and buildings we dance, hands entwined, eyes glazed, and hearts ablaze. Oh, starry, winter night do your worst! For I have his arms to keep me warm!

Sad, satin doll.

Tick, tock-tick, tock--make it stop! Stop the noise, she screams as her agitation vibrates through her chest, sending a rumble throughout the room. Jelly man saunters over to her, coming up from behind. His jelly hands slide down her sides, silencing her anger while turning her cheeks a bright shade of pink. The noise is too much, she whines as she twists her feet together--his jelly hands crawl into her young lap--open palms against taut skin. Sing a song for me, the Jelly man says to her, crooning softly into her ear. Her eyelids grow heavy and are pulled together into a close, to ward off the world before her; her legs relax as they are pulled apart.. She begins to hum a verse from her favorite song.

Restless, on fire.

I ache with the dire need for change, a big bang, so to speak, to erupt and shake myself from the dull gallows of normality. Let's try something new this winter. Let's see how much trouble one little girl can get into.

Another Dream.

We are two crabs, basking in the still, deep waters of the ocean, entwined in a cuddle of limbs, shell, and warmth as the current moves peacefully around us. Looking down on us, in this moment, I'm imagining a slow-turning music box twinkling a tune that calms the heart and warms the blood, in all its simplistic beauty. My sleep has graced me, finally, with a pleasant dream.

A sense of pride comes over me as I think of my favorite spot in the ocean. My clumsy claw reaches for yours as I encourage you to rouse from relaxation. Claw in claw, we slowly make our way to shallow water, where a large rock juts from the ocean floor. The sun's rays bathes the top of the rock as it sits just feet from the surface. I look at you and look around us. This is what happi-- I blink and I am alone, human, kneeling on hot sand overlooking a vast savanna. Slow, rhythmic rumbles fill my ears as I take in the massive creature laying en masse before me; a pride of lions napping the fierce sun away.

My heart fumbles and forgets its sole purpose, slipping and skipping, unevenly, within my breast. Where are you? What happened to us? A slow and steady change in the breeze slips me out of my self pity. The rumbling harmony of sleeping lions begin to stumble as, no doubt, their nostrils have sensed my stench; my pores releasing fear induced perspiration, warm blood flowing violently through my veins, giving life to my tender muscles and limbs, my breath becoming more rapid as I watch these furry bodies stir before me.

Two females quickly pounce to their feet and begin circling me, clearly hunting, anticipating a kill. I am done for. I am alone. I slowly turn to face the sea, looking for you, whom I've left below the surface, in peace. I sink to my knees in despair. The waves lick the sand before me in a gentle routine. The water's surface sparkles like a million hidden gems in a lover's eyes-- I am thrown onto my side-- a flock of migrating birds skim the distant surface of the sea, squawking in unison and familiarity as they keep hope for their arrival afar-- a piercing sensation wraps my neck as a swelling pain begins to pulsate. Everything comes to a halt, slowly spinning in place, as I close my eyes with the beauty of the sea still imprinted on my mind.