Another Daydream.

A windowless room is where I have found myself. A gentle sound wallows through the walls. I press my brain against the confines of my skull and listen with a curious ear. It's telling me to forget everything I know.. I am but a little girl with so much to learn. My body keeps me from becoming all that I can be. I stagger away from the wall with dizziness dripping from my pores. Staggering and slipping on multicolored beads of sweat pooling on the ground. A plain, brown bird darts at my face, knocking me down as I become parallel with the ground, a wave of panic swimming through me as my heart pounds violently inside of my chest. The bird flies clumsily into corners, spilling feathers as it tries to escape. Thwap, tweet, clunk, tweet. I cover my ears. The despair I feel is immense, knotting inside of my stomach and sliding up my throat. With a final collision with the wall, the bird drops to the ground, still, dead, free. The pressure of the room lightens as if someone has opened a window. I force a deep swallow and climb to my feet, hands still connected for balance, I slide around in a crawl searching for this window. Searching for a way out. "Forget everything you know" bounces from ear to ear as I try to make sense of everything. I come face to face with a wall. My body stiffens, my reflection stares back at me, young, scared, pitiful little girl, "you can never leave." I feel my body wrapped up by something unknown, taut around my skin, drawing me closer towards the wall. I press my face against the cold, solid surface and stare.. I see forever beyond the walls. Forever, and everything that I want beyond this cage. Everything beautiful dances for me, waving their limbs in invitation for me. "Come play with us!" They seem to sing as iridescent orbs leap from tree to tree, illuminating foliage and color. Engrossed, I press my face harder against the wall, greedy and envious of this outside world. A pressure begins to grow behind my eyes but is easily ignored as a flower blooms in front of me. Its golden petals radiating beauty as dew glistens in its folds and pores. In a moment, the pressure takes a hold of me and turns to blackness. A blackness that spills over my eyes and body, severing my sight and feeling. An emptiness fills my body, so empty that it hurts. My body stiffens and goes limp at the same time, crashing to the ground with a horrid sound.

I am still, dead, free.

Lost in the places I've been.

The constant drip-drop sound of water coming from the ceiling wakes a beauty from her sleep. Once again, another day with her own worst enemy, reality. The pills from the prior night, worn off, leaving her with a throbbing desire to drive a piece of broken glass into her skull. The thought of death is merely a minor comfort to her; she fears the thought of leaving something interesting behind. So, she ignores the headache with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye as she grabs her journal and a pen, jumping out of bed and out the door. Leaving her home in the same clothes as yesterday.

She walks, dragging her feet across age old pavement, destination unknown -whatever calls her name. The daylight kisses her face softly, pulling her out of sleep and darkness. She extends her arms up towards the sky -as if the kiss the sun with worn fingertips- smiling, feeling beautiful for once. Life seems to stop in this moment; cars halt in their mid-noisy scramble across the earth; the unnerving whine and destruction of lawnmowers frozen in place; a bird stiffens and blends into the backdrops of trees in a frozen dive towards the ground. Everything is still. Everything is quiet, allowing her this one moment with the sun. A smile, the purest of happiness, is born upon her face as she glides her fingers through the sun above her. The motion of her fingers send ripples through the sky, blending golden rays with sky blues, while sending a tinge of warm flowing through her limbs.

Birds begin their choir once more. The symphony of machines begin to roar in the distance. The lawnmowers pick up their earth-shattering tantrums and continue. She drops her arms as they swing idly beside her slouching body. She lowers her gaze in disappointment as she picks up her heavy feet. Breathe in, breathe out.

...

He took a breath, exhaling deep regret upon her face. Her expression frozen in fear, forever, cold and unforgiving. The blades of the willow tree, looming above, begins to sway as he kisses her cheek for the last time. I'm sorry my dear, you did your best. He croons into her deafened ear as he wipes his hand across his cheek, -a scratch mark from a struggle- evidence that will heal.

Her body becomes one with the earth, buried deep under the ground. The ground that life walks so carelessly around on, unknowing. She flutters her eyelashes as muted footsteps scatter above her, dissolving into a painful silence. Her hearing is back; thighs are sore; neck is broken. She blinks rapidly, trying to rid the dirt from under her eye lids. Her heart -once frozen with death, still with stiffened, thick blood- begins to pump heavy spasms that shake her body, throwing her breast violently up and down. Her hands claw towards the sky in fury, breaking the surface of her grave. Radiant moonlight pierces her skin as she takes her first breath in days. A ghastly noise, mixed between a gasp and a howl, escapes her mouth as her body shudders in relief.

A dream and wake.

Walking barefoot in the desert. I saw you running toward me, through mirage and the high noon sun, with knives bared like teeth; fingers splayed out scraping the scenery; pillows of bruises floating underneath your balmy skin. Run away, run away. Turn around, turn around. I am no match for you. Beads of sweat drip from my swollen temples, colliding with the broken ground making it tremble and making me sway.

Everything is steady, everything is slow.. Bottled up for the world to show. Clicking bottlenecks against the fencepost, she throws her head back to laugh. The sun bathes her pearly face as she forgets the joy of the moment. The bottle slides from her fingers. Her lips curl into a devious smile as her feet begin to take her away.. To something foreign and new.



Hands, oh hands.. Precious, beautiful instruments of our minds, with the power to create and to destroy; to love and to explore.

I finally did it..

A 360 view from the summit of Mt. Hood. April 18, 2010.
So, when can I go again?!

Observation of the Day.

Sitting within darkened rooms in an illegal state of mind.
Ancient people with their flesh coats dripping with slow motion death.

What once was..

I danced for you, like the cascading frost in the early morning.
From leaf to flower; from bird to tree; from house to pavement.
All the while, trying to prove myself to you.
A pirouette, a leap, a dip, a curve, a smile.
All the while, trying to prove my beauty to you.

You watch me curl and bend with ravenous eyes, with a hunger fit for a King.
With a smile and a gentle hand, you lead me into a field of thorns.
Where I will dance no more.