I was born in the wrong century.

I can't take anything seriously.

I watch people sitting motionless behind the wheel of a car, bidding it to do their will - accelerate, brake, turn, follow a car obnoxiously close.. I have to laugh at it because the image and very nature of it seems so stupid. We've got this brilliant structure called a human body and legs that were created specifically to take us places, yet the average person spends most of their time not using them! Is that painful to anyone else? It makes me sick. Not necessarily the laziness, carelessness or so on but the sheer fact that they don't care! Do your body good. Care for the one thing that you own that will do you anything meaningful.

I wish I could be just like them, able to feed the bullshit and triumph from the game. All of these silly, mundane, almost pathetic social interactions like textbook that we keep ourselves tied to. I'm so sick of it all.

It has been raining for seven months.. Any means to an end is starting rear it's lovely head, while batting those long lashes and seducing me with a sideways stare. Oh, come here my lovely! - Anything to numb the pain, to stop the gray and to make it all go away!

A door opens in the molecules of oxygen before me. An apparition, perhaps? A way out, hopefully? A painful death, possibly? I'm through that door without a single glance behind me..

I just hope there is..

My last two posts sound so angst-ridden. I apologize, I guess.
Sometimes I just don't see the point of anything.
I feel as if I've tripped and have stumbled off the path that is 'normal'.
I can't put up with the bullshit.
I need to isolate myself.
I can't laugh at your meaningless joke.

I'm turning to my creative side to help aid me through this misery.
Photo projects to come - after I find a new place to live.

In truth, I hate that I was ever born..

Life should be lived for all of the momentary tastes of happiness.
Fuck your money.
Fuck your career.
Fuck your material possessions.
Taste the earth - dance, dance - make music and smile.
Befriend the child in you and grow old together.
Drink wine and be merry.

Seriously.

Fuck you, the one who tells me to stay in line and how to live.
Humans were never meant to be so disconnected.
The modern world, I hate you so-very fucking much.

Dream One.

I'm sitting in a room. It's small and unfamiliar but something about the confinement is comforting and I am at ease. The walls are a simple beige; nothing is stark in the room, all flowing together as my eyes scan the room and jump from item to item in perfect harmony. I have the sense that I am at the beach, but the window is too far away and the peace I feel is too strong to rouse me.

Moments later, the simple wooden door opens as my older brother walks into the room. "You can't just stay in here all day! -We're under attack!" He vents through tight set lips and heavy lungs. Under attack? But, that doesn't make sense.. I look down at my arm and see my veins pulsing underneath my pale skin. Tiny spikes like budding seeds poke from my skin, as if my veins are growing limbs and leaving me. The little limb zig-zags in curls as it finds its way through the air. My brother watches with content from the swaying doorway. His body is motionless and his face is void of expression. Hollow comes to mind. If I were to open the window, I would assume his body would just tip over from a gust of wind. How menacing that he should leave me now.

Within minutes, a swarm and tangle of veins have wrapped my body and the air around me. I resemble a blue tangle of sagebrush sitting on a plain bed, yet I am still at ease.. Like this was meant to happen. There is movement in the room as my brother regains himself and walks over to the mess that is me. He places his hands near my face and parts the swarming veins like parting the silky curtains of a window. My solemn face is revealed. I blink and look at him with heavy eyes. I am tired, I say, let the war run it's course. I must sleep.

The spring is inching closer and closer.
Flowers are beginning to poke out from their winter nests, shyly blushing, somewhat hesitant.
But, please we need you! I coo softly touching delicate petals of sakura.

I really can't wait until the sun comes out.
The heat.
The happiness.
The adventures and more to come.