Silence.

Today is the first day, in a while, I spent on myself. I didn't run away from anything, I didn't distract myself. I sat down and focused on what needed to be done. I didn't glance at my phone every minute waiting for it to light up with a new text.
Nothing. Alone. Quiet.
When the hell did I get so scared of this? I used to pride myself in utter isolation. I used to be strong. I used to have my shit together. I'm so intensely petrified to be quiet and alone that panic attacks sometimes arise from my chest. I don't understand any of this and I want nothing more than for them to cease. I want to be free, strong, and secure in loneliness and silence.

What helps you? Let me know. I'm all sorts of curious.