Jane 2

The sound of grunge rock wafted through the air and into Jane's ears from across the street. She cast her eyes up to look at the dingy bar, with it's group of rugged, dirty, angst-ridden kids littering the entrance, smoking their lives short without guilt. Within a second she's walking across the street and into the hole-in-the-wall bar that calls her name, silently in the smokey night.

I'm sipping on my IPA when this little doll pushes through the door and steps into the bar. She's got this mess of long, black hair covering her shoulders with bangs hanging over half of her face. She has this short, black cotton dress on. It's loose but thin so she leaves little to the imagination when the wind blows. She's wearing a pair of red cowboy boots that cut off at her ankles and she's carrying what looks like a black cat, sideways. She hesitates at the door as she takes in the room and the people. She puts her hand to her bangs and lifts them up for a better view. Instantly, I fall for her and that gesture. I watch as she licks her lips and starts walking to the bartender. Turns out the cat she's carrying is a bag, curious enough, she plops it on the counter and unzips it's side to pull some money out. The ragged thing looks a mess as it's matted fake fur starts to collect the puddles of beer from the counter.

I keep my eyes on her as she mouths her order to the bartender, kisses the bill she's holding, and slaps it into his hand. He laughs as a reaction and turns quickly to make her drink. She leans on the counter and shifts her body to face the room. Her eyes instantly connect with mine and my face must have betrayed me by showing my stunned reaction. She laughs and continues to scan the room with a flush of color in her cheeks. Fucking idiot, I think to myself.

Jane

Character Study, for my fiction:

I looked for love in all the wrong places; I looked in Sam's trousers. He had a small, fleeting love that lasted only two minutes. Exhausted, he rolled off of me and laid on his side, back facing me, the rest of the night in a soundless sleep.

Restlessness taking hold of me I got up, ran his dirty tee shirt between my legs and dressed my slim, pale body. I approached the grime crusted mirror in the bathroom, took out my lipstick, smeared a thin coat over my lips, puckered and rubbed them together, and wrote "learn to fuck" in large and sloppy letters across the mirror.

Purposely leaving the door open, I walked out of his excuse for an apartment and into the ten 'o clock night.

The heat from the day still lingered into the night. The clonking of my boots echoed off of the cars parked along the streets and off of the trees lining the sidewalk. Feeling invisible and fully alive I started walking into the heart of the city.

Incarnation of Apathy

SHE saunters over to me with a devilish smile,
with cat-like claws -tap-tap-tapping that lovely dress of hers -to a beat unknown to me.
I stand there to admire her figure swaying back and forth, inching nearer.
The sense of desire bubbles in my veins as my eyes take in all of her beauty.
She comes to a halt in front of me and I'm hit with a cloud of tranquil fragrances
-Patchouli, Lavender, Sandalwood, Vanilla, Citrus, Jasmine, Moss..
I close my eyes, entranced and seduced, as she strings her fingers through my hair. I let out a sigh of relief and intoxication. "I'm yours," I moan.
Our eyes meet, inches away from each other, and I feel a stab through my heart. I choke on my last breath as her facade starts to melt. Her beauty cracks and shatters to the ground like a fragile mirror. Her hair shrivels from silky, golden locks to a brittle gray mess. Her skin begins to sag and wrinkle as if one hundred years suddenly became a burden. I try to run but I'm bound to her.
She throws her head back and cackles manically into the blackening sky.
"I always get what I want," she hisses and spits.
I slump to the ground and look up at my new master, Depression.. Don't fall for her.

A voice without a song?

I feel the seams of my poorly stitched body coming undone.
I guess that's what I get for growing up in a hurry.
Hang your dolls.
Ugly lacquered strings; thin stretched cotton, stretching over premature beginnings.
I'm not ready to face this crowd-
Their frightful eyes and demonic lies stretched between their teeth in the form of a yellow bullet.

I hide my face for sanity.
I cover my ears for insanity.

I'm laying in a bed of weeds; I've never had a nice lawn
Staring at the sky with blood shot eyes.
I hold up my arm to block the sun,
I pull at the skin elastic but firm; this isn't my body.
Rolling over and coming to a bitch's stance I inspect my body..
This isn't me.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
There was supposed to be MORE than THIS.
Hot tears begin to flow from my apathetic eyes..
(Pan out: Nothing but weeds and a sad, little girl crying alone.)

I don't want to die living in a high rise grave.

The Park.

(This was typed up so suddenly. I did not want to lose it so revision is needed.)

Near the end of my day my anxious feet brought me to the entrance of a park. The wrought iron gates protecting the beauty within grabbed hold of me. The intricate craftsman involved, hand-made, as black as obsidian. My hand leaped forward on it's own and parted the gate. It was cold beneath my fingers but remained as beautiful as ever in my eyes.

I started on the path as curiosity fueled me. Vast expanses of bright, green grass surrounded me with wildflowers sprouting in sporadic locations, as wildflowers often do. Neatly trimmed shrubs lined the path guiding me along my path. The sky remained it's beautiful bright blue as the sun warmed my exposed body. Oh, glorious day stay with me! You've kissed me body and soul.

With my arms spread, hands reaching towards the sun I hear a fit of laughter pass me by. Perplexed at the sudden interruption I look down to and see a little girl wearing a red parka. She's dancing in the path ahead of me, with beautiful, thin arms stretched above her fingers clasped together like a perfect ballerina. Intrigued I take a step towards her. She stops mid twirl and plants her right foot firmly with her left on the ground, and looks at me. Blazing green eyes stab mine and I'm forced to catch my breath. She smiles and proceeds down a cross path to mine.

Wanting to see if she's real I follow her. My heart pounds with excitement and my eyes burn from that beautiful stare. I come to the intersection and turn down her path. Suddenly I notice how empty the park has become. No sound. No movement. Suspiciously, I'm all alone with this girl galloping ahead of me. She looks back enticing the chase.

My pace becomes more than a walk and something gold catches my eye. On the ground is a plain, gold ring. I pick it up and instantly my hand warms to it's touch, as if it belonged to me. The girl must have dropped it. I pocket the ring hoping to return it to it's owner as soon as I catch up to her.

Out of nowhere the sky seems to darken a shade and the sun's warmth leaves me. I continue on the path with the red girl in view. Even from afar she looks beautiful! Again, something catches my eye on the path and it's a white silk ribbon, creased from folds like a bow. A spasm of worry is born in my chest but ignored as my hand reaches for the ribbon. It's so soft in my hand like liquid silk if such a thing existed.

Clouds begin to roll in and the sun whines and protests, trying it's best to keep shining. I pocket the ribbon and continue following the girl. My feet falter and come to a stop when I see the red parka in front of me on the path where it clearly does not belong! A torrent of fear runs through me as I reach for the petite parka. The clouds win the battle and the sun is lost. Darkness swims from every angle and collides with the light. As my eyes adjust to the sudden and instant darkness I spot a man ahead of me. He's dressed in black with a heavy trench coat. His face is hidden with a cloud of smoke swirling up from his pipe. He catches my stare and starts to laugh a menacing sound that makes my stomach sick.

I look down at the red parka and my thoughts become a mess. Where is she? I look up towards the man and see a pile of bones beneath his feet. Elegant, shimmering white, beautiful and petite. Complete and utter fright engulf my senses and I turn around and start to run. Running as fast as I can back where I came from. Every sense and instinct telling me to hurry, to run, don't look back. I drop the parka and and the ribbon on the ground, while running on the path towards home. The sun starts to reclaim it's position and brightens a little. The path ahead of me grows clear. I come to the intersecting paths and grab the ring out of my pocket. In my hand it looks ugly, deceitful and old. I throw it behind me and continue to run toward the entrance. The sun, again, shins brightly on my body and I pause in the park path to look up.

My arms stretched out and my hands reaching toward to sun, I'm back to where I started. Oh, glorious day never leave me again! Motion starts again and I hear the rustling of the park. The trees sway again and the birds sing their sweet tones of poetic beauty. I hear a fit of laughter pass me by and I freeze. Unable to look down, knowing what I'd find, I turn around and start walking towards that beautiful fence. The fence that provoked my trespassing. I push the gate open ignoring the cold sting on my hand and I begin to run home.

Home. I'll never look back. I'll never return to this place again.

Kimpop

She moves with ease, everything comes naturally when in the kitchen; sculpting white gold with age-battered hands, cracked, creased, and swollen. While watching her I feel sorrow, love, pride, shame, and hunger. Like always, I wait patiently on the other side. "I forgive you," I say inside of my head, as the scent of my childhood fills the air and engulfs me taking me to another world. My body goes limp and I fall into this wave of comfort as it drifts around the room, dipping and curling through and around the appliances. I surrender to everything! Just let me stay here on this perfect ride, through a world filled with beauty and aroma. I'm pulled back to reality when my Mother drops a slice of Kimpop into my open mouth.

Everyone, meet my Mother.
Despite everything I've said, I love her so much.


Swimming in this endless sea of apathy. I'm paralyzed, I apologize. Don't blame me. Counting down the days until this will end. I'm bothered by your alibi, so sue me.

Soft, white dancer.

My writing has been placed on the back shelf, due to the lack of free time.
But now I sit here by myself with all the time in the world: Let's see where this goes..

In my mind I see white linen against something rough; it's dancing in a gentle wind and a dark substance, ink-like, bleeds through it like a newborn river molesting the earth until it becomes the only thing dominating the scene. This ink-like river scatters drops from the linen onto the ground. The drops bleed roots that sink into the ground and trees begin to grow, elephantine oaks when they are done; branches reaching into the sky their fingers stir the stars in the dark pool of the night sky. The stars; soft, gems of perfection melt into each other leaving a wake of shimmering cream. As the sky settles into it's inevitable calm state a chilling wind sweeps through, a wind that does not move but damages nonetheless. The sky starts to freeze, shooting ice daggers deeper and deeper into itself, and becomes a solid pond with a tint of pain and smells of secrets.

I'm hungry.