[Untitled]

I've done it again; I've angered the queen. Here she comes stomping through the flower beds, kicking up the flora and moss; her face contorted with rage; temples pulsing like the sparks of a fuse, getting closer towards the explosion --closer towards me. In my ignorance, I've done it again. I've angered her so, but what have I done? She spits a lattice of words in my direction that swarm around my fragile neck, wrapping around and pulling taut. She dances in place to the words of her control and power, swinging her arms up into the air--

I close my eyes.
Darkness; an infinite abyss before me.
A comforting silence impregnates my ears.
What do I feel? Courage, fear, ecstasy?

"Open your eyes."

Alarmed, I obey. The darkness is broken with a scenery of a vast expanse of exposed rocks and plains. It's dusk and a subtle pink swims throughout the sky, colliding with the ominous black of the oncoming, nighttime sky. I take a breath. The queen is gone. I take another deep breath, superficially, out of selfishness but choke when I see my summoner. Standing before me in a well-tailored wool suit, a wolf with a proud look and a keen knowledge in his eyes. What do I feel? Awe, fretful, enchanted?

"Welcome home," the wolf deftly speaks and extends a paw toward me.

I reach to meet it with a cold hand, slowly warming with elation. With a strong paw, he pulls me closer linking an arm through mine while taking me off to explore the scene. A peaceful, rhythmic rumble vibrates from his chest as we walk together into the dark; the stars are brightest companions; the sky an ocean of beauty and calm.

"Are you my lover?" I ask with a gracious tone.
"I am not."
"Are you a foe?" my muscles tense as I idle in the path.
"If I may be so kind to grant you a little clarity and relaxation with a simple explanation. I am your watchman, my dear. I am the safe-keeper of your world. I make sure any and all unwanted souls are never to pass," he says as he brings me close, kissing me gently on the forehead, sending a ripple of warmth throughout my body.

We continue to walk in silence as the stars bathe us in spotlight.

"I'll miss you when I wake up," I say as we walk into the heart of the world that I have created.

I don't want these memories.

My mind has been dwelling in the past, as of late. I do not have the strength to get it out in one piece. It hurts to realize all of the things that went wrong; how helpless I was in the past, as a fragile, little girl.

I remember quiet vividly the time my father went insane, my mother ran away, and my brother failed to protect me. My best friend involuntarily collided with the back door, the thick glass shattered as if to tell us that something was horribly wrong (with us all).

A steak knife is jabbed into the Devil's palm, and I laugh as I watch him bleed. I laugh and laugh until a hand closes around my neck and my head begins to swim with a familiar heaviness. I close my eyes with a exerted grin while a stream of blood runs down my face. This is going to hurt the next day.

I can't apologize for the things that went wrong. I always watched, mostly too scared to move. I prayed to God for a better life, but my pleas were rejected, ignored, lost in transmission. Cease communication! Let this girl be damned!

I hide things too well; try to find them. You never will.

Unknown title.

I don't want to exist any more; I want to drive this fork -that I'm holding- into my eye, twisting it around and around, gathering more flesh and blood around its tongs. Pain and fear will begin to pulse rapidly through my nerves and veins. Welcome home! I will say to myself. Into the dark! -Let's rejoice! Weep wounds weep! Rid yourself of this putrid body! Go, be free!

I can't let him stay. He's going to leave me, only because he has something better to offer this world. I have nothing. Nothing but sad little words, a fake smile, and a weakening ambition to experience life, the universe and everything.

I think I need help. Although, I don't know what anyone can do for me. I'm the only one that can help myself and I seem to be lost in the woods. It's approaching dusk and darkness is about to open its sleep-encrusted eyes. In my idleness, during Darkness' nighttime games, my feet grew roots that dug deep into the ground. I struggle with sanity in this reality of mine. I need my saner half but she's nowhere to be seen. I hear her crying out to me.. Softly.. And she's gone until I lay myself down to slumber. -That's when the voices come. I dream of trees; of dirt and the open sky. I need to find her. I'm preparing myself for what is to happen next.

If I die in the woods, keep me there. Do not bring me back to this meaningless jungle, with all these haggard faces and repulsive noises.

This is why I hate shrimp.

Condolences, my putrid prince.

Expired manifestations of what once was --treasured, life --long lost and forgotten, placed before you is a single wilting rose. Its' petals yearning for something gold. Something bold. Something to make its' young veins feel anew. Shriveling, as of now, beyond repair. --Look at what you've done! Its thorns gasp stiff and protruding and remains the only life this flower will ever know.

Please.. I plead with blurred eyes to the moonlight, to the stars, to the towering figure above me. I cannot go on, this reality is to much for me, not enough for me. I dream of something bigger. A heaviness grows in my veins as two droplets slide down my cheeks with a purpose. The looming figure shudders a sympathetic bow. He leans in to me and places his lifeless lips upon my quivering brow. I sigh, a thankful sigh, a pleasured sigh, as a tinge of ice shoots through my nerves. Thank you, I gasp into the stirring wind, as my body goes limp and falls to the ground to move no more.

Thoughts: collective.

The gentle slope of a growth in progress. The fragility of newly acquired hair, bound by an elastic band; dark drapes for lashes, open and close, revealing a set of curious, golden eyes that are fixed on me. I have a moment, here, sitting across from this fragile, little girl as the train rocks my body, gently, side to side. Your innocence frightens me, I think to myself. A frown becomes my main expression, as if the world has been placed upon my lap.

Sleep deprived to feel something, anything, that takes you away from reality, the norm. The normal. What is normal.. Stuck inside this crypt-like skin. Let me out, please! Let me out!

Colors and shades. It's safer on the bottom.

I feel evil, angry. Something awful must have spilled; dripping itself onto me as I walked unguarded through the streets. Seeping into my skin and toiling through my bloodstreams, making my smile fade and my eyes squint like two slits; eyes of a maddened bull.

Balloons dance elegantly with the wind; a tango that we're not meant to understand. One, two, three.. One, two, three..--look! They're dancing!

"It's wide, open and free like you want to be. Up in the clouds, nothing is loud."

Once Upon A Time

Footage from Sender Films. First Ascent, Dean Potter.
"Dying to flying"